To quote Robert Jordan -
"...For the young, death is an enemy they wish to try their teeth against. To the old, she is an old friend, and old lover... one that we are not eager to meet again so soon."
After finishing my last book, it struck me how short life can be. Yes, yes, forming friends to build a lifetime of support and laughter is all fine and dandy. But what happens when you have to deal with a death in the group?
Suddenly, there was four instead of the five.
Suddenly, there is silence where the laughter was supposed to come from.
Suddenly, an opinion was not put forth when it was needed.
How do you begin to contemplate being in such a situation?
Tonight bears the words being spoken, the words now milennial needs saying.
It's time, my readers, for us to prepare for our death.
Yes, yes, I understand it's a wee bit morbid for me to be speaking of such things at such an hour of the night (current time 3.32pm, GMT+8), but it struck me at how utterly normal it sounds.
I've my financial future planned out, I have my life somewhat decided, and I have my health being worked on.
All that's left really is to figure out how to deal with my final moments of life. Do I have enough to deal with a chronic disease? Will I die alone surrounded by machines in a sterile hospital? Or mayhaps a quick flaming death?
I suppose what scares me, is the thought of going out alone. To be utterly alone, surrounded by an encroaching darkness, with a million things you had wished you had said to him. Out out brief candle?
Dammed Shakespeare.
"I do realize that I lack the capacity to create long lasting relationships with people. This, I admit, may be due my already macabre mind, a salty tongue that very little in my immediate circle can put up with, and a sworn promise to myself to uphold a blunt honesty to everybody around me.
It's hard to understand why is it that people can't put up with honesty. Why live in an illusion to cover a reality that you are unable to accept? Give it a thought and just figure this bit out : If you're in a place that you don't like, then do something about it. There is no such thing as a dead end.
And to answer that, ironically, is to use this : The loss of dignity. Or what is left of it by now.
Or I just need better friends"
*shrugs*
At times I do like to blame the immediate lack of a family for these thoughts running around, but practical rationality usually kicks in and reminds me time and time again that it was I who made the final decision.
We make our own families, we surround ourselves by people who truly love us for who and what we are. Never, EVER let it less than that.
Settling down. Now isn't that a dream that all of us secretly nurse at the back of our minds? A lovely dream home, a warm town, and a beautiful assortments of friends and loved ones just within reach of a phone call.
How dreams carry us through our everyday life. But... I don't know. It's like I'm surrounded by bleak minded people who can't comprehend a life without having to deal with the daily grind of commuting back and forth to work. They await Death with a numbed heart. They do not welcome Death. They do not cry for the life. They simply resignedly accept Death.
How much it hurts, to see so much life being drained.
Where is the beauty? The joyous relief that life brings? The feel of the sun on your bare skin? The tingle of the cold air on your cheeks?
I had better stop here before I get melodramatic.
Yes, I have accepted Death.
Yes, I do understand that Death comes to us all.
Yes, I will surrender to fate and go calmly as I can into the merciful hands of the dark.
But I will not seek Death. That, my dear readers, is a folly for idiots.
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